What builds closeness in a relationship? The number one answer that the research highlights time and time again is vulnerability. In therapy, we actively promote safe vulnerability in order to increase intimacy, closeness and a deeper connection among couples. When one partner is vulnerable and the other is receptive to this vulnerability, we lay down foundational bricks of trust, intimacy and closeness. This ultimately creates a very strong relationship.
To engage in this exercise appropriately, it is important for each partner to access a sense of receptiveness and empathy, rather than judgment and criticism. As mentioned before, this receptivity builds emotional closeness and will strengthen the attachments between you and your partner. Furthermore, the questions are most effective if a dialogue occurs about each response rather than a simple one word answer.
32 Questions for Couples that Promote Closeness
- What happened during the most difficult year in your life?
- What is your favorite character trait in yourself?
- Who made you feel special when you were a teenager and why?
- What is something you are grateful for right now?
- What has been the greatest accomplishment of your life?
- Who is someone you look up to and why?
- What does sex mean to you?
- When do you feel the most loved?
- What are 3 forms of intimacy that are nourishing for you?
- Outside of our sexual relationship, when do you feel the most connected to me?
- What is one dream/goal that is really important to you right now?
- What is would be included in your perfect evening?
- What is one of your greatest fears?
- When do you feel the most competent?
- What makes you uncomfortable when talking about sex?
- In what ways can I love you better?
- What stressors do you think I am facing right now?
- What is your favorite memory of us?
- What is one thing you want me to know about you?
- What is one thing you want to do differently from your parents?
- What is one thing you want to do as well as your parents?
- Whose marriage did you look up to growing up and why?
- What turns you on sexually?
- What is something you want to be remembered for?
- What is something you would like to learn more about?
- What is something you would like to do more of in life?
- What can I do to make you feel more comfortable with me?
- What memory always makes you laugh?
- What is something you look forward to in regards to getting older?
- What is the biggest lesson you learned from your previous relationships?
- When did you know you loved me?
- What is the best relationship advice you have ever heard?
For more couple stuff, check out our blog on Loving Your Partner With All 5 Senses.
-Written by Emily De La Torre, LMHC